Forever Is Tomorrow Is Today

Finn's Fourth Fire Station Party

2012-02-12T21:06:00.000-05:00

So. I swore last year I wouldn't have another party for Finn. Especially not at our house.

And then I realized that Lila was going to be having a first birthday party, and started to feel guilty that I wasn't going to do one for Finn. So we decided to have one for him. At our house. With a fire engine.

Which led to the problem of guests. I won't lie, we have a good size house, and it can hold a bunch of people. But too many people and it just gets crazy. We decided to limit the guests to friends from our street and school friends.

23 kids. TWENTY THREE kids. That is how many were here based on that simple equation. I feel bad that I couldn't invite everyone we know but I didn't even know how to limit it. How do you do this as they get older? It just gets tougher every year, and I think next year, if we decide to do a party (ha!) it will be like 5 kids, max. Hold me to that statement.

But back to the party - let me tell you, even with a good sized house? 23 kids and their parents is a lot. Like, really a lot. And I also felt bad I didn't get to talk to everyone I wanted to as much as I wanted to, but there were minimal tears from kids and everyone seemed to have a good time.

With Finn's love of rescue I thought a fire engine party would be perfect. We have been to several fun parties at fire stations, but I wanted to do something a little different, so we found a place that would bring a fire engine to you. We didn't tell him it was coming, and as it came up, siren on, his face lit up and he ran out the door yelling 'Fire engine! Look everyone, a fire engine!' It was worth the party stress, the expense, and freezing cold temps. Oh yeah, I didn't mention that. It has been in the high 60s here for like a month. Until yesterday, when the arctic blast rolled in. Since 2 years ago it snowed and most people couldn't come to his party I shouldn't be surprised. But the kids braved the cold, enjoyed the fire engine, and even got to go for rides in it!

All in all, it was an awesome party - even if he did tell me the week before the party he didn't want a rescue party but instead wanted an underwater sea creature party, with whales. And whale sharks. And leopard sharks and lemon sharks and white tip reef sharks. Next year, Finn, Next year. (Definitely don't hold me to that statement!)

Making his birthday morning chocolate chip pancakes, his traditional breakfast!

Served up on our birthday plate

Breakfast with his birthday balloons

And in his birthday hat

And his new shark helmet, to go along with his new bike from Grammy and Papi

Our fire chief Lila!

So, he wanted a rescue cake. With fire vehicles next to water rescuing underwater sea creatures. Somehow I convinced the awesome bakery at Publix to improvise their fire cake and take out grass and add water in the top right corner and I added whales. It was as close as I could get!

For his party I made cake pops...

And lots and lots of cupcakes, with fire engine wrappers and fire engine decorations...

Yummy and so cute, cookies from a friend of mine

Mason jars ready to be filled with lemonade...

A red and yellow candy buffet set up to enjoy, with red and white striped bags so everyone could take some home with them!

Fire hats for the guests

And black, white and red barrettes for the youngest guests

The fire engine!

The excitement!

Thumbs up in the drivers seat

Hanging out with his good buddy Tyler

Papi and Lila

Finn and daddy

Getting ready to go for a ride

We set up the front room with lots of little tables and chairs, creating "Finn's Canteen", so the kids all had a place to eat

Enjoying a cupcake with his best buddy Adam from school

Finlay at Four

2012-02-10T07:21:00.000-05:00

Finnster Minster -

If there was a way to adequately and shortly express how this past year has been with you, well, I wish I had it. How could you be four? Four. I get weepy just thinking about it. I remember your birth like it was yesterday, yet I can't remember a time without you.

Four years ago you shot into the world, you filled my heart, you created our family. In the past year you have become a big brother, you have come into your own, you have lit up our lives day after day after day.

The stories I could tell. The pictures I could share. The words I could write.

But instead, as you get older, what I want you to know is that every morning when you come into my room, when you climb into bed with me and snuddle, every single bit of my being is filled with such love that its enormity is impossible to explain.

Your love for underwater sea creatures and rescue vehicles is unparalleled, and you could sit and talk fish and whale sharks and ladder trucks all day. And you often do. Maybe you will be a marine biologist. Maybe a fireman. Maybe a superhero. While I can't predict what you will be what I can predict is that you will throw your entire being into it, and you will be successful. That I am sure of.

Every time you smile I smile. Every time you cry I hurt a little inside. Every time you get in trouble, well, let's just say that is just as hard on me as it is on you, especially when you tell me you don't like me anymore. We have had lots of those moments lately, but I know that we are okay. I know that you are still my sweet guy and I will forever be your mommy. And while someday, probably soon, it will morph into mom, my love, my heart, my soul, it will always be there for you, one hundred percent.

So my little man, here's to turning four. May you run faster, sing more loudly, dance more crazy; may you continue to be the beacon of joy you always have been, and may you always be our FinlayBinlayBoo.

Love,
Mommy

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10 Months

2012-02-08T09:27:00.000-05:00

My MoonieGirl,

Another month has come and gone, and you continue to fill our lives with such joy, such light, such love. You are no longer the baby we brought home from the hospital, instead you are quite persistently marching full speed into toddlerhood, leaving behind any remnants of baby sounds and smells and snuggles. But that's okay, I will take my almost toddler snuggles anytime.

You have accomplished so many milestones in the past month, getting 4 new teeth at one time, clapping, waving, climbing stairs, and most importantly, walking. You have gone from standing for 30 seconds at time to standing and dancing, and taking steps. The most you have accomplished is 11, the day before your 10 month 'birthday' and while you haven't done more than that yet I know it will only be a matter of time before you are chasing your brother around, or, more likely, getting chased by him.

There is no person you love more in this world than Finn, the very one that loves to torture you by being loud and pushy and bossy, yet you laugh and laugh and laugh, which just makes him do it even more. I hope you always want to play together but I also hope that someday you can give him just a small taste of his own medicine. Don't tell him I said that.

And, as always, you love to dance. You dance to songs, you dance to toys, you dance to shows your brother is watching. Sometimes you just dance for no reason at all. You get your love of dancing from me, although I hope you have talent I don't have! Always dance Lila, always. It will make your life a happier, fuller, more fun place, I guarantee you that.

Every time I look at you I wonder how we got so lucky, to have a baby who is so smiley, so loving, so perfect. I know you may not get as much one on one attention being the second child, but the love is there. I promise you, my missy miss, the love is completely there.

So, as this road we are on heads full speed to one I will continue to cherish these moments, the tears, the smiles, the hugs, the waves, the dancing. You have made my life a happier, fuller, more fun one. I can also promise you that.

We love you sweet girl,
Mama

Week 42

2012-02-02T09:00:00.000-05:00

Also known as woman get your act together week because you are a week behind. Again. Or thank God the weeks are getting close to being done because someone in this scenario does not like to have her picture taken with Pink Bear. At all.

Month 10 is next. It makes me weepy. Like, really really weepy. But I have a girls weekend starting tomorrow so soon the weepiness will be replaced by lots of alcohol.

Hey mama? Let's use Green Frog this week. I am like, so over Pink Bear.

Gah. Fine. Pink Bear, let's get the show on the road.

Nibble. Nibble. Nibble.

Catch ya later mama, our contract is up.

Tantrums

2012-01-26T09:49:00.000-05:00

As we are nearing the end of the 3's, also know as the worst year behaviorally yet in this house, I am hoping 4 will bring on a change. I mean, everyone says 4 is better right? No tantrums. No more fighting. No more yelling. No more freaking out because oh my god mommy I didn't want the mac and cheese shaped like a pumpkin I wanted the slippery mac and cheese and it is the end of the world aaaaahhhhhhh. Let me live in dreamland for a while, okay?

There have been many times lately when we have been out in public and I have had to, for lack of a better word, bribe Finn to leave. And it doesn't always end well. Sometimes I am that woman you see rushing out of a store/museum/restaurant with a screaming child dangling out of my arms because I don't want to be that mom who lets her kid scream in a store/museum/restaurant.

But, apparently, that isn't good enough. People judge you based on your child's tantrums. Other moms judge you based on your child's tantrums. This surprises me to no end. Don't we have enough to deal with as parents, as adults, as humans than to judge what is going on with someone else? Do you really think that a mom who is stressed out over having a crying child who won't listen needs someone to stop them and tell them all the things they are doing wrong?

I used to judge before I became a mom. I admit it. You have your 3 year old in a stroller? Um, too old. Your child is on a leash? They aren't an animal? They are screaming in a restaurant? Give them some food so they shut up.

But now, now I see the error of my ways. There is so much more behind all of these things than what you see from the surface. We took our 3 year old in a stroller in Belgium. He was almost 4. Did he look silly? Probably. Did it keep us from having to carry a 30 lb child around for hours on end when he got tired. Absolutely. We order his food as soon as we sit down at a restaurant, but if it doesn't come quick enough he gets antsy.

I have always heard you are the best mom until you become one. We think we know everything about parenting and discipline and rules until we have to actually, you know, parent. And then we are all the same, floating along trying to do the very best we can with what we have, and what we don't need is judgment from other parents about how we do it.

We were at the Aquarium once. Finn was 2 probably, and when we left through the gift store (thanks for that by the way museums, they should really be called tantrum stores since we have to leave through them and every child wants everything in them) and he flipped. He wanted something, he didn't want to leave, he was overstimulated, needed a nap, who knows. So I moved him to the side, and let him cry. He laid on the floor and cried and cried. People walked out past me, glancing at us, surely judging. Until one dad walked past, looked, laughed and said "Don't you worry, we have all been there, it does get better! Just let him have his time, you are doing a good job!'.

You are doing a good job.

What mom doesn't want to hear that every once in a while?

Week 41*

2012-01-19T14:23:00.000-05:00

*Holy.Crap. How are we at week 41? Sigh.

Mama, really? I have major bed head and SO not in the mood for Pink Bear this week

3 pictures? Okay, okay, I will allow 4. Then we are done.

But first I am going to check out this car! Yay!

Pink Bear I refuse to acknowledge you

I don't see you. I don't see you.

Just kidding, I totally see you!

And I will eat you you crazy Pink Bear!

And now we are done. Till 42 weeks Pink Bear...

The Importance Of Traveling With Kids

2012-01-18T08:23:00.000-05:00

If our recent trip back to the UK has taught me anything it is that people are afraid to travel with kids. I can't even tell you how many comments I received from people about how brave we were to take our kids so far. While it isn't bravery - we don't have a choice, if we want to see family we have to travel, and we would travel even if we didn't - I really had to think about why people have this fear.

I started traveling internationally at a very young age. I am pretty certain my parents took us into Canada when I was around 2. My parents came from small towns, and my dad decided he wanted to see the World. We have just been lucky enough to tag along. As he has been to something like 90 countries I would say he has done pretty well in fulfilling this goal.

By the time I was 9 I had added in Mexico, Japan, China and Hong Kong; by 10 France and Spain; by 14 I had been to South America as well. It took me longer to get to Africa and Australia, but at this point I have been to over 60 countries. Lee and I have been to 18 together in 7 years. I went to 6 alone when I was pregnant with Finn. Travel is absolutely a huge priority for us.

So when we had kids we decided this wasn't going to stop us. Slow us down? Sure. But it wouldn't stop us. Both of our kids had passports by 2 months, and both have 2 passports each. Yet every time we book a trip I get a mixed bag of reactions, from how brave we are to how crazy we are to how do we possibly do it.

Here's the thing. Flying is fearful for parents. I get that. Of course it is, because you have legions of grown men and women who make it that way. You have blogs and message boards dedicated to discussing how horrible it is to share the same air space with a little person. You have articles talking about why parents are scared of flying, and airlines are banning kids in first class. You have other people who talk about why travel is important to them as well, but we all recognize people just don't like families who travel.

The thing is, the last time I checked no airline guarantees a quiet, peaceful flight from point A to point B. What they do guarantee is getting you safely from point A to point B. You don't get to dictate who is on the flight any more than I do (To the man snoring loudly the whole flight I am looking at you. Or to the woman doused in perfume? I am side eyeing you as well. Perhaps the passenger who is so big they can't comfortably fit in their seat thinks they are exempt from judgment? Nope.) Kids can fly. Kids should fly.

I have talked about this before. See, when we travel we have a lot of stuff. I admit it. Bags and stroller and car seats and more bags. I actually walked out of customs in Manchester, Lila on my front, Finn in the stroller, stroller covered in carry-on bags, pulling a luggage cart. A woman hit her husband and said "Blimey me, look at that woman!" Yes, please look at me. I enjoy being a spectacle for you. Do you think I enjoy traveling this way? I can guarantee you that my days of one suitcase and my purse are long behind me and I miss them tremendously.

It starts at the gate. As we walk up we get the once over from everyone sitting there, and I can sense them thinking please don't let them sit near us. Please. Then as we board everyone watches as we harangue both kids, all our bags and the stroller down the jetway. They tut at the amount of bags we have, not once thinking that perhaps we wouldn't have so many if we didn't have to account for every possible situation that could arise, to keep the kids happy so we keep everyone on the plane happy. Hunger? We have food! Vomit? We have extra shirts for all of us! Boredom? Ipad, Leappad, books, cars, coloring books! Thirst? Water, lots of water! On the off chance our kids fall asleep? Well, maybe we have room for a magazine or two for each of us, but don't count on it.

I have read blogs and comments where people say families shouldn't travel until kids can behave. Guess what? My kids are incredible travelers. Really good. But every child - and every adult for that matter - is one trip away from having a bad day. You can't predict it. We shouldn't have to. But should we have to account for it? Sure. This explains the 10 carry on bags.

Which brings me back to my original point. Why do we go through all this? Why do we spend the time and the money to travel? I promise it isn't to annoy our fellow passengers. In fact I am pretty sure no one hates the act of actually traveling with kids more than their parents.

But once we are there? It is awesome. We get to show our kids other countries. Other places. They can learn and explore and grow and see that their world is not the only world out there. Don't be afraid to travel. Don't fear your fellow passengers. Don't fear the flight. You will get through it. You will never see those people again.

And your kids will thank you for it someday. I know I did.

7 Years

2012-01-12T08:40:00.000-05:00

7 years ago today I boarded a plane bound for Pittsburgh. I was 29 and single. I was on my way to a wedding, between my American friend and her British fiance.

7 years ago this afternoon I walked into a hotel lobby, and I met my future.

We went out in a group to a pub, where he and his friends made fun of the "British" food on the menu. We went on to a tiki bar where they played pool and I sat with my friends, chatting and drinking. I decided, wisely, after a few drinks, that it would be in my best interest to interrupt the pool game and force the cute red head to talk to me. Fortunately he obliged, or this story would have a very different ending.

7 years ago tonight we spent hours sitting in the tiki bar, talking and getting to know each other. Everyone told me how quiet he was, but I didn't think so. I thought he was perfect.

I was smitten.

We had no idea where life would take us. That one year later we would be engaged. A year after that married.

Happy 7 year anniversary of the day we met, babe. Our wedding Anniversary may be tomorrow, but today is the Anniversary of the day you changed my world. And I still think you are perfect.

7 years ago in Pittsburgh

2 weeks ago in Edinburgh

9 Months

2012-01-10T14:27:00.000-05:00

Lilabean,

Here we are again, another month older and another week late in writing you this. I could blame this on the fact that you had some serious jet lag issues that resulted in waking up at awesome times like 3 a.m., 4:15 and more typically 5. But then today you slept until 8 so you totally made up for it. Of course I sat and stared at the monitor for about 45 minutes watching you breathe because I couldn't believe you were actually still asleep.

I am sure that the amount of worry that I harbor for you in the short 9 months you have been in our world will only grow as you do, just as the amount of love that we have for you grows exponentially every day, every hour, every minute.

You have morphed from this somber, clingy baby into this amazingly happy baby. You love to smile, you love to laugh, you love every thing your brother does, including the things he shouldn't be doing. Your face lights up when you see someone you know enter the room, and you shoot over to them, arms up ready to be picked up. Nothing makes you happier than when you see daddy come home from work and he picks you up.

Food has become less of a novelty and more of your favorite times of the day. You are, as the doctor said yesterday, an oral baby, and everything - literally, everything - goes in your mouth. When it comes to food this is awesome. Red beans and rice, fish, pasta, chicken, cheese, fruit, vegetables, bread, you don't care what it is as long as it makes its way to your mouth. It usually comes back out, but that's okay, you are working on it.

On the flip side everything goes in your mouth, so I spend my days vacuuming and following you around, taking pennies and cat fur and paper out of your mouth, things you find 2 seconds after I vacuum. You are like a hound dog.

In the past month you have done so many things for the first time. You have flown overseas (and did super, as usual), you had your first haircut, you climbed the stairs, you started standing without holding on. I want to push you over, to slow you down, to keep you little forever, but I also want to see who you will become, the things you will do, the things you will accomplish. I can't wait to hear your voice, other than 'mamammama' and 'baaaa', to see how your brain works, to see if you are a talker like your brother.

I will never be able to adequately put into words the joy you bring to my every day, how perfectly perfect we think you are. As we march on to 1 I hope you continue to be my happy girl, my love-a-bug, my sweet moonpie.

I love you to the moon and back,
Mama

Toot Toot

2012-01-03T04:29:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! Happy 2012! Happy 'we survived another 9 hour flight with no meltdowns' to us!

But maybe not so happy that Lila has been up since 3. In the morning.

So, not to toot our own horns or anything but I think Lee and I have perfected this whole travel thing. See, we travel with a lot of stuff. A lot. Like, we went over with 4 suitcases, 5 carry on bags, 2 car seats and a stroller. We returned with 6 suitcases, 6 carry on bags, 2 car seats and a stroller. We have figured out how to get all this in and out of the airport by ourselves (although, in full disclosure mode we did pay for someone to help us in Atlanta. I was just too exhausted). I wear Lila, we make Finn sit in the stroller, load up the back of the stroller with bags, I carry a bag, load up 2 trolley's, Lee pulls one and I pull one while pushing the stroller. We walked out of customs in Manchester when we got there and one woman actually said to her husband 'Blimey me, look at that poor woman!'. I just kept walking, mainly because if I didn't I was afraid I would lose momentum.

Traveling without kids is exhausting. Traveling with kids is debilitating, to be honest. We bring so much stuff on board because I don't want to be caught unprepared, leading to nasty looks or comments from other passengers who don't think kids should travel. Instead we always, always get comments about how good our kids are. And they are. But it is because we work at it on the plane - because trust me, Finn is not good at home.

But we did it. And we made it. And our stuff made it. And most importantly, our kids made it. Okay, okay, so maybe Finn watched 8 hours of tv. And ate chocolate. Maybe Lila ate bread and drank more bottles than normal. And yes, Finn did roll out of his stroller after he fell asleep and was trying to get comfortable. And yes, my almost 4 year old was actually sitting in a stroller (I no longer judge other moms. Ever. Because you do what you have to do). But we did it, without killing each other.

We are home. Toot toot.

Later 2011

2011-12-31T12:17:00.000-05:00

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Hmm, have a second child?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I can't remember the end of 2010. That about sums up my year!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Besides me? Lots of people actually. We had so many friends have babies this year, which is either because we are just in that place in our lives or our friends really like to procreate.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother. It was an incredibly difficult time, but I know she is watching over all of us.

5. What countries did you visit?

England, Scotland (okay, the UK) and Belgium. This was a sad year for me for travel.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Sleep. Sleep. More time to workout. Sleep.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 5, Lila's birthday. June 16, the day we lost my grandma. September 24, Lee's accident.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

This answer will always be Lila and Finn. While some people may not want their biggest achievement to be their kids, I want nothing more.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Cleaning. Laundry. Cooking. All things I need to be better about doing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Lee's new car probably. The first new car either of us have ever owned. I loved driving it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Lee. He found a good job, supported me 1000% during and after Lila's birth, and is the best dad and husband in the world. He has no idea.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I don't have time to worry about other people's bad behavior.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Besides everyday life it would have to be medical bills. This was the year of the medical bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Watching Finn excel at being a big brother. He really loves his sister. Sharing? Not so much. But he loves her and watching him with her makes my heart swell.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Inside These Lines by Trent Dabbs

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
(A) Happier
(B) Thinner, but only because I no longer have a baby inside of me.
(C) Same

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Working out

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spending time online. And I will, in fact, make it my goal to do that this year.

20. How did you spend Christmas?"Pretend Christmas" - The four of us, and my parents, at our house in Atlanta

Real Christmas - The four of us and Lee's family in the UK

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I fell in love with a redheaded girl, and more in love with a redheaded guy and a blonde boy. My heart grows bigger every day.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I watch the worst tv ever. Ever. But I did start watching The Walking Dead and really enjoy it.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I have spent too many years hating things or people. I refuse to waste my energy doing that anymore.

24. What was the best book you read?
I loved, loved, loved Shanghai Girls and Dreams of Joy by Lisa See

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Trent Dabbs and Andrew Belle

26. What did you want and get?
For Lee to get a job, for Lila to be okay after her surgery and for Finn to listen better. 2 out of 3 isn't bad :)

27. What did you want and not get?
More money. More time in my day. Kids that sleep in past 6:30.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I really liked Crazy Stupid Love, but pretty much because Ryan Gosling is hotness personified.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 36 and I now officially feel old. Boo. We had a street party on Lee's birthday (the 10th) and it was awesome. I can't even remember what we did on my exact birthday.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

More sleep.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
I have no fashion concept, so I guess in itself that is one.

32. What kept you sane?
Lee. My parents.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

See above. Ryan Gosling.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Marriage rights for all

35. Who did you miss?

My grandma. Friends who live far away.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

We became much closer to neighbors on our street and I am so grateful for that

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Always, always say I love you when you leave, even if you are mad

38. Give a song lyric that sums up your year:

You've got your mommy's eyes, you've got your daddy's hair, you're my little angel rocking in my rocking chair

-Sara Hickman, A Slice Of Heaven

Life In A Northern Town

2011-12-27T02:34:00.000-05:00

After a busy morning of literally ripping through present after present, to the point where we had to actually take a break since Finn was completely unaware of what he was actually opening, only that he was opening, some of us enjoyed a nap (Lila), some of us enjoyed some play time (Finn) and the rest of us got ready for the beach.

The beach. In December. On Christmas Day. In Newcastle. In the North of England.

It was windy. It wasn't actually that cold, by the standards here, but the wind made it feel cold. But it was sunny, and full of families and dogs and kids enjoying it, showing that you don't need white sands and 90 degrees to play at the beach.

Merry Christmas Eve Eve

2011-12-23T12:29:00.000-05:00

We survived a flight to England, complete with 4 suitcases, 5 carry-ons, 2 car seats, a stroller, a baby, a preschooler and ourselves. I am tired rethinking about it.

We survived a trip to Belgium with 1 suitcase, 3 carry-ons, 1 stroller and a preschooler with a cold. I am a little less tired than the above trip, but tired none the less.

And now we wait on Santa, who will be coming in a day and a half, give or take, time with family, presents, presents and more presents.

It's been, despite a few not so good events, a pretty darn good year.

Week 36

2011-12-21T09:41:00.000-05:00

Another week, another photo, more Pink Bear. Hey Pink Bear, I think this week shall be Peek-a-Boo Week!

What?!? You don't know Peek-a-Boo? It is my favorite game!

Watch, let me set you down on the floor for a minute...

And then I hide my face...

And PEEK-A-BOO! Hahaha, it makes me laugh every time!

Um, how did you get up there? I am dumbfounded.

A head hug, thanks Pink Bear!

What mama? I don't know where Pink Bear went. Maybe she has moved on to Hide and Seek?

Ok, ok mama, I won't hide her any more

You make me laugh mama! Next week we can teach Pink Bear Pat-a-Cake!

A Pretend Christmas

2011-12-21T09:27:00.000-05:00

We celebrated Christmas early this year, with my parents, since we are spending two weeks in England (and Belgium and Scotland, with this blog being brought to you direct from Brussels) and Finn kept calling it a pretend Christmas.

Call it what you want, these kids did well on 'Christmas' morning, and this was definitely the first year where Finn got crazy excited over gifts. Well, most gifts. The clothes, sleeping bag and suitcase didn't excite him near as much as they excited me.

Parents Of The Year

2011-12-13T07:40:00.000-05:00

Finn has figured out how to buckle the top part of his car seat himself, which helps me out tremendously when I have to also get Lila in the car. Our usual routine when leaving the house goes something like this:

-Come on, Finn, let's go!
-Wait mommy, I have to park every single of my 278 cars and fire engines before we can leave
-Finn, come on. We are late. Again.
-Almost done mommy, 234 left!
-FINN. Let's go. Wait, where are your boots?
-I don't want those boots. I want my red boots. Where are my red boots? Ooh mommy look, can we read a book?
(Oh my God, we are always late - only this I just say to myself)

So by the time I get him in the car and get her in the car I am pretty much ready to go. Which is how one day I let him buckle his top buckle, closed the door, and pulled out of the garage, to be met with his declaration that "MOMMY I'M NOT BUCKLED IN!"

The kid doesn't realize yet that most other kids wouldn't actually tell their parents this. But fortunately he knows no different, so I came to a halt, finished buckling him, and we were on our way.

Now this is his favorite story to tell people, interspersed only with the time I fell down the stairs and lay at the bottom crying Jesus, Oh my God, and he certainly likes to tell that one to everyone, only Jesus is Cheezit and I don't want to correct him because it is too cute.

So on Saturday Lee and I took him to see Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer at a local puppet theatre, while Lila stayed home with my parents. Finn brought up the story about how I forgot to buckle him in, again, but apparently Lee had never heard it.

Lee then said to me "Well, now I don't feel so bad about that time I left him in the car when I went into Chick-fil-A"

Hahaha, wait, what?

Yeah, apparently a couple of years ago Lee went to CFA to get some lunch, Finn had fallen asleep, Lee got out, locked the car, went inside, got in line, and only then realized that Finn was still in the car. He ran right back out and got him, but decided it was best not to share this with me. I agreed.

We clearly will not be winning any parent of the year awards anytime soon, but at least we can (fortunately) laugh at them now.

8 Months

2011-12-09T14:24:00.000-05:00

My sweet Lila-girl,

8 months. 8 months of smiles, of tears, of cuddles and kisses. 8 months of love for your brother, smiles for your daddy, clinginess with your mama. I say it every month in these letters, I mention it every day to your daddy, I think it every second in my head - how did we get here? How is your first year of life flying by so quickly that I hardly remember how small you once were. How is it that we are slowly creeping up on the end of the baby years in our house?

You are, in a nutshell, my conundrum. Sometimes I wonder if you are happy, when you hardly crack a smile for days. Other times you smile at the mere sound of a voice, you crawl quickly to whoever you love that enters the room, you laugh at every thing your big brother does. You want our food, you reach for it, and then you refuse to actually eat. You hate being confined in the car seat but you love being confined on me, in the ergo. I think you would spend all day in the ergo if I let you.

Your crawling is amazing, you can move faster than ever, speeding across the floor to get the one speck of dirt I somehow missed. You love to grab the cats tail, eat your brothers puzzle pieces, and dance to music. You kick your legs when something excites you and your tears are free to flow when you are unhappy. You say mamamama, and you are working on dada. Finn is working on big brother, although I am sure that will take a little longer.

You still have just two teeth, your hair is getting longer and you have eyelashes that should be illegal. You are fascinated when I put on makeup, and I can't wait for the day you get into it and come to see me with red rosy cheeks and lipstick all over your face.

We have a big adventure coming up, your first Christmas, your first trip to the UK. You have been a good traveler so far, we hope it will continue, so don't let us down! I know in the blink of an eye you will be walking, talking, fighting with your brother, growing up.

But you will always be my little girl.

Happy 8 months moonpie, we love you to the moon and back

Love,
Mama

Week 34

2011-12-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

Oh mamamama. Do you mean it is that time again? Let me finish my book before we start, okay?

Wait, can't I play with my green blocks first too? No? Okay fine.

Come here Pink Bear, let's get this over with.

But first I will eat you! Nom nom nom! Nothing is safe around my mouth!

Hahaha, just kidding mama, I was just playing. Pink Bear likes it! I promise!

Look! Nice Pink bear! I will pet your head!

There we go, did you get enough? Are we done?

Huh? More?

I will just sit and smile and pretend like we are all done!

See? Pink Bear has turned her back to me, and it would be SO much more fun to pull the cat's tail anyway. Can we do weekly Kimball-cat pictures instead?

Perspective

2011-11-28T20:18:00.000-05:00

After a weekend where I repeatedly stopped to remember so very many things that we have to be thankful for, at the end of a few months where I truly didn't think we did, we ended it by playing outside. Finn was running around with our next door neighbor, his 'best friend' du jour, and they turned on the water. It was cold, Finn got wet, and he wasn't happy. He ran inside to change, and being an almost 4 year old he demanded he could do it on his own, and so we let him.

A few minutes later he came running out, with a sweater on, his underwear, his boots, and nothing else.

He spent the next 20 minutes running around in his underwear, unembarrassed, unaware, simply enjoying life.

**************************************************************************

Lila had an appointment with a hematologist today. A hematologist, we learned, works in the cancer center, at the Children's Hospital.

As we waited to be called back I was keenly aware of the children around me. A young girl, with long beautiful hair and a sassy attitude, who was being told it was going to be a long day. Her mom looked tired, empty. A teenage boy, waiting with his mom, bored and irritable. He had no hair.

We went back, and waited in a room for over an hour. We spent 5 minutes with the doctor, who felt strongly there was nothing wrong, and took blood just to be safe. After a long wait I walked out, and the families in the waiting room had grown. Kids, parents, babies, all waiting to meet with a doctor that no parent ever hopes to have to meet with.

************************************************************************

So many people have written over the past week about the things they are thankful for. I thought about it, and started to do the same thing.

Thankful for my kids. Thankful for Lee. Thankful for our families. Thankful for Lee's job, and Finn's school, and our house.

Thankful for life.

But really what I decided to write about is that these two events, these two things that shouldn't have impacted me so much, they impacted me tremendously.

How lucky am I that I have such a spirited son? A child who loves nothing more than to don his rain boots, and little else, and just live his life with no hesitation, no fear. At the time I was telling him to go back inside and put on pants and he laughed. Later on I told Lee I started to feel sad, because there will be a day, sooner than later, where he won't do something like this. Where being cool in front of his friends is what matters. Where snuddles with his mommy are not top, or even bottom, on his priority list.

How lucky am I that (hopefully) we won't have to return to the Cancer center? That my children, save a few things, are okay. They are healthy. They are thriving. They are wonderful. And, if there is a problem, how lucky are we that we can get help? That we can afford it. That it will be good doctors, some of the best.

A few months ago my thankful list may have looked a little more materialistic, a little more shallow. A little perspective goes a long way.

Public or Private

2011-11-22T21:55:00.000-05:00

3 years ago when we moved back to Atlanta we knew we were moving to an area which, while highly desirable due to its locations, great houses, proximity to shopping, restaurants and my parents, did not have the best public schools. We were okay with that, I mean we had time right? Like years of time. We had no interest in returning to the very suburbs I grew up in, despite their stellar public schools - which, to be fair, are stellar in Georgia, which is still ranked very, very low in the US for its education.

Huh. That time has sped by and is knocking on our front door at an increasingly louder rate and I am wondering what the hell we are going to do with Finn next year.

Here is my dilemma. And let me tell you, or, let Lee tell you, or my parents, or most of my neighbors, since it is pretty much *all* I think about these days, that it is a huge dilemma. It consumes me. I am trying to step back, but it sneaks back up and tap tap tap, there it is. Our educational dilemma.

I want to love our neighborhood school. I want to wrap my arms around it and embrace it and fully believe that my involvement in my children's education there will make up for the fact it is in an incredibly old building, with large classes and lackluster extras and teachers who do the very best with what they are given, but, at the end of the day, it isn't much.

So, I toured it. I went with my next door neighbor, who has a son Finn's age and a son Lila's age, who has a Masters in teaching and has taught both publicly and privately and who really has been able to answer so many of my questions.

We went in, full of hope and full of desire and full of eagerness to be there, to be a part of this awesomely changing school.

Pop.

My bubble was burst in the first few minutes. As soon as we walked in the pre-k room, where Finn would be next year, my heart sank. I can't do it. The room was so small, so full of stuff, full of kids, full of possibility but just falling short.

I knew, in that moment, that he wouldn't be going there next year. I have to say that I love his preschool so much, so much that I am actually sad at the thought that in 3 or 4 years we won't have any kids left to send there. I talk about it with everyone, I love their ideals, their philosophies, and most importantly the importance they place on play. He can go there one more year, but since it is his pre-k year we were hoping to start him in a school he would stay in for all of his elementary years.

He plays outside much of the 4 hours he is at school. Rain. Shine. Cold. Hot. Fog. Sun. It doesn't matter. If it is rainy they put on rain boots. If it is hot they put on sunblock and hats. These kids thrive because they are allowed to run outside and play, to imagine and create and be kids.

And the public school? They get 15 minutes a day. 15.Minutes. That isn't enough time to come up with a game, much less play it. I think, setting aside the old building, the small classrooms, the classrooms chock full of kids, I can't get past the time outside.

I just can't.

So, where does that leave us? I went with my dad to tour a local private school a few days later, and within minutes I knew. This is where he belonged. The very first room we went into was the science room, full of animals and spiders and fish and sharks painted on the wall, oh the sharks on the wall. Finn would die if he saw it.

Room to room to room, there was nothing I wasn't excited about. The library. The computer lab. The two languages they start in pre-k. The cafeteria which has food way better than what I throw together in my kitchen. The kids who really looked like they were loving their time there. They wanted to be there.

It seems like a no brainer, but there are two things I can't get past (one of which is the cost, and let's not kid ourselves, private school is not cheap) and maybe this is my inner hippy breaking through, but I worry about stifling the creativity that pours out of Finn every time he opens his mouth. He creates cities out of leaves. He builds fishing boats and buoys out of legos. He plays rescue with any and everything, and sometimes with nothing, with just words. Should we be finding a school that will encourage this creativity, this imagination, this play? Or do we trust that the schools we looked at, with their rigid schedules, public or private, are the right fit for him? I know how Lee feels. I know how I feel. I know those feelings aren't always the same, but at the end of the day we have to do what is right for his future, for their future.

Right?

Now, imagine having this conversation with me every day. Yeah, I am pretty sure no one else wants to either!

But, and this is a huge but, it is all for them. And how can I not want to do what is the best for them?

Santa Watch 2011

2011-11-21T21:56:00.000-05:00

We are all about Santa in this house, and have been for a few weeks. We talk about Santa, we pour over catalogs, we talk about going to see Santa, about Santa coming to see us. And one thing I quickly noticed is that Finn wants pretty much every single thing he sees in the catalogs, well, save for the 'girl' pages.

(It is ironic he says this because he will flip past a 'girl' page and on the very next page ask for a hot pink Barbie horse to have as his very own)

So we have been working hard on making sure that he knows that despite his insistence that he needs everything in every catalog that fills up our mailbox he in fact won't get everything.

And now, when anyone asks him what he wants Santa to bring they get a long laundry list of items, generally starting with rescue things, followed by fire engines, ambulances, police cars, whales, sharks, and more rescue things. And then ending with a rescue set with a boat with a big net rescuing a big whale.

The boy is specific if he is anything. Fortunately for us this does, in fact, exist.

He then ends the conversation with 'but Santa doesn't bring me everything!'. Let's hope these words stay fresh in his mind over the next 4 weeks.

*********************************************************************************
Here in Atlanta there is a popular Santa that is hard to get an appointment with. So hard, in fact, that you start receiving emails in July letting you know that registration for an appointment is coming soon. July. Like, when it is 100 degrees outside and everyone is still celebrating Independence Day.

This year they changed their system and made it more difficult to get a time which meant, for us, we saw Santa this past Thursday. Early-ish November. 70 degrees out, before Thanksgiving, and time to see Santa. It kind of sucked, except at least we got it out of the way before the mall became too crazy. And since this was our fourth year bringing Finn to this Santa, and the first for Lila, well, we knew we couldn't miss it, even if it mean we now have to explain to Finn, every day, that Santa isn't actually coming for a long, long time, or rather a long, long time in a 3.5 year old's world.

We weren't sure how Lila would do since she is pretty much attached to me. She cries if I am in the room and not next to her. She cries if I leave the room and dare to leave her with her dad. She is definitely a mama's girl.

I decided it was best if Lee dropped her off in Santa's arms, and lo and behold she did great. Well, she didn't smile, she looked pretty confused, she kept staring at him as if she couldn't figure out who this crazy man was, but she didn't cry. And Finn had his first year where he actually interacted with Santa and told him everything he wanted.

Whether or not he admitted to Santa that he knows he doesn't bring everything is between the two of them, but my bet is on probably not.

I appreciate all the kind words on my last post. I certainly wasn't expecting the nice compliments I received, from both people I know and people I don't. Thank you all!

Weeks 31, 32, 33

2011-11-20T07:51:00.000-05:00

Well. While I could give a myriad of excuses as to why I have been slacking on blogging the truth is that I am not sure anyone is actually reading anymore, save my parents (Hi dad! Hi mom!) and it would be as useful as talking to a wall. It is even more ironic because they actually see us in person all the time and, well, these updates are probably moot.

But, despite a feeling that perhaps the best of my blogging days are behind me (and yes, the BEST of my blogging days are definitely behind me, but I just mean my blogging days in general may be reaching an end) I just can't quite step away. It is a little bit like my decision to stop drinking soda and only drink water. I do really well for a while and then it sucks me back in.

I realize my life is, well, boring for most these days. Who really wants to read about preschool and diapers and food issues with now both my kids and playgroups and blah blah. My life used to be exciting, with travel and wit and adventure and now? My life is still pretty exciting to me, but I can see how that excitement doesn't translate well to anyone else.

Hey, guess what? It is 7:15 on a Sunday morning and so far I have been woken up before the sun by the littlest red head in the family and changed Finn's wet sheets and gone through some bills and wiped some snot.

Hm. Maybe it isn't even that exciting to me.

So, I am going to change that. I am going to try to blog about more than my family, my kids. I am going to catch up with the weekly photos, and maybe put my brain back to use again, to remember when I enjoyed writing in this space, when I didn't dread having to upload pictures and figure out what words to write. It has been a while.

In the meantime, weeks 31, 32 and 33 with Lila. They won't be long. I have a Build-a-Bear party to get ready for.

(baby steps people. baby steps)

**********************************************************

Week 31

Here we go again. One Lila. One Pink Bear. Separate yet together.

Okay Pink Bear, let's be friends this week, I will share my toys okay?

Week 32

Hey mama? I don't know where Pink Bear is this week! I may, or may not, have turned into a Pink Bear like creature myself, but let's ignore that okay? Instead just show how my brother and I now play together!

Er, maybe play isn't the right word. Mama, why does he always grab me and move me away from whatever I am playing with?

Do you like my shirt? You said it was old mama, that it was yours. I like to call it vintage.

Week 33

Hahaha, mama you make me laugh! What do you mean that Pink Bear is back?

No seriously, you are funny, I thought we were done with those pictures!

Stop. No really. Stop.

Oh.My.God. It really is back!

Pink Bear looks the same. Do you think it is the same?

Same bow. Same pinkness.

Holy cow mama, how did this happen?

Look! Look! Pink Bear is back!

What? I had to give her a taste didn't I?

I am just double checking it is the same Pink Bear and not an intruder!

Okay Pink Bear. I welcome you back. For now.

7 Months

2011-11-09T19:53:00.000-05:00

Sweet Moonie Girl,

You are slowly eeking your way towards 1, although I should really say you are barreling your way to 1 because once you started moving you haven't stopped, and I am in awe of how much you are changing every day.

How is it possible you are closer to 1 than you are to being a newborn? You are, literally, one step away from being a toddler, and that breaks my heart. You are growing up too fast, too quick, and you are only 7 months old. I love seeing the things you discover, seeing the world again through a baby's eyes.

There is so much you have done in the past month, from figuring out you can actually crawl out of the family room to pulling yourself up on any and everything, to babbling non stop. There is no doubt you are in competition with your brother in the speaking department, and while we may be waiting for your official first word we all think you are saying Mamamamamama, although I am not sure it is specifically for me so much as for anyone when you need help.

You are moving all over the place, and we have quickly had to re-babyproof the whole house, with gates going up, small toys put away, plug covers in. You are eating food but you refuse to eat purees, so you eat apple slices, pear slices, pepper slices, cheese, pasta, banana, cauliflower, bread and more. You spend more time gagging than you do eating, and it definitely scares the bejesus out of me but it is all part of learning, as your daddy keeps telling me.

You have had your surgery, you have been to the doctor multiple times and handled it like a trooper, and you were finally Baptized, where you cried for part of it and then just stared around at the Church when everyone at the Mass started clapping for you, soaking it all in as if to say "Is this for me? Awesome!" You are definitely your Papi's granddaughter.

No one makes you happier than your brother, and no matter what he does you laugh, which only leads him to some undesirable behavior, such as sitting on your back non stop. Yet you smile and laugh and your face lights up every time you see him.

It seems no matter how many times I say it I can't mean it enough, I don't know how we ever got so lucky to get you as the missing puzzle piece to our family but we did, and I can't ever tell you enough how much we love you Lila girl. You are a joy, a love, a wonder.

Love,

Mama

Halloween 2011

2011-11-02T14:55:00.000-04:00

We like to take Halloween pretty seriously around these parts, and we started our days on end of celebrations with a Halloween party at our house for Finn and all of his 'best friends', at his request. It was the first playdate I have had where he requested the guests specifically, and I guess we are in that phase of his life now. He chose his costume, a knight, only to be worn for this party and a party the next day. We are very into costumes around here right now. Lila politely declined to dress up for the party at our house, but then went as a fairy princessy something or other for the party at our friends house.

We spent the day before Halloween at a local Day of the Dead Festival, which we visit mainly for the food, but also to try to teach Finn a little about other cultures. So, pretty much for the food.

Halloween rolled around, and Finn and Lila broke out their real costumes...a shark and a flower. The cutest shark and flower I have ever seen, if I do say so myself. We ventured out to our annual neighborhood parade (that I insanely was in charge of this year) with all of our neighbors, and it just reinforced how much I love our street and all the kids on it.

Week 29

2011-11-02T14:37:00.000-04:00

Uh, pink bear? I think mama is going a little crazy these days...

Seriously pink bear, do you not see it? She is now dressing me like you. She is literally turning me into pink bear.

Oh, hey there froggie! Meet pink bear. Pink bear, froggie. Froggie sings and dances and makes me laugh and dance!

What mama? Why can't froggie be in our pictures?

Well, okay then. I am done!

It's Pumpkin Time

2011-10-23T21:11:00.000-04:00

We have taken Finn to the same pumpkin patch for the past 3 years, and was excited to take Lila this year.

Unfortunately she didn't share the same enthusiasm. I am sure having a stomach virus combined with her surgery combined with the fact it was right before bed didn't help, but she was less than excited about anything pumpkin related.

Oh well, there's always next year!

Or Maybe Not

2011-10-19T09:29:00.003-04:00

While Lila had a good day of after her surgery I can say the day after was not so good. At all.

It sucks when you hear your husband shout, at 6 in the morning, from your babies room, 'Um, she doesn't look so good. Is she supposed to be bleeding?'

So yeah. Lots of blood. A swollen shut eye. Lots of blood. A swollen face. Did I mention the blood?

We were in contact with the doctor all day and finally they had us come in. They walked in and said 'OH. Oh. Oh wow. Yeah, we have never seen this happen before.' Never have such unreassuring words ever been uttered.

They cleaned it, they checked no sutures had split (they hadn't), they put pressure on it for 25 minutes, they glued it shut, and they pressure wrapped her head. Of course this took upwards of 3 hours, where she was the best baby I could ever ask for, with some tears and screams but mostly just sad looks.

It broke my heart.

We haven't taken the pressure wrap off her head yet, and won't for a few hours, but hope when we do all is as it was when it went on, closed up and no new bleeding. We will tackle why this happened soon, but for now we just want to get it to stop.

Our little mummy, a few weeks early...

She then threw up a few times last night for good measure.

So when Finn woke up this morning crying because he wet the bed I realized that my life these days is so full of bodily fluids - poop, pee, vomit, snot, blood - that nothing fazes me anymore.

Well, almost. I am still waiting for my mom to get here to take off her head wrap, because even a mom sometimes needs the comfort of her own mom in times like this.

And...done

2011-10-18T07:35:00.000-04:00

We have had a lot of doctors visits this year. And a ridiculous amount of time spent at the hospital. Too much time.

So yesterday was Lila's surgery, and hopefully our last hospital visit for a long, long time. We spent the weekend in the mountains, where she promptly got sick, throwing up, producing enough snot to fill 3 small adults. I just knew they would cancel the surgery, especially when we got there at 6:30 yesterday morning and answered a sign in sheet this way:

Has your child had any of the following in the past 24 hours?

_ Vomiting
_ Sniffles
_ Congestion
_ Cough
_ Fever

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes and No.

Yikes.

After consulting 5 or 6 different people, including the anesthesiologist, we decided to go forth.

She was the cutest baby patient I have ever seen...

They took her away, and, well, let's just say it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. She looked so sad, and I couldn't be there with her. I don't know how moms do this with sick kids every day.

The surgery was 10 minutes, and by the time they brought her back to me it has been an hour. She was angry, screaming and crying, apparently all normal when babies come out of anesthesia. And then, after we calmed her down, she snuggled and slept and I felt a tremendous amount of relief.

Her eye is swollen today, and her incision bled a little overnight, but I am hopeful that she will be back to her joyful self, snottiness aside, even more today.

And I will snuggle her the rest of the day and be hopeful this will be the biggest health roadblock we ever face with either of our children.

6 Months

2011-10-12T10:27:00.000-04:00

My sweet Lila girl,

In true fashion I am a week late with this, but since the sentiment of it hasn't changed in a week I think it is okay. As I sit here watching you crawling around the room, beelining directly for the very toys you shouldn't be playing with I am reminded of both how much fun this age is and how incredibly challenging it is. Child proofing. Frustration. Falling. Learning. Amazement. Exploration. Milestones.

I have thought a lot over the past week, when I could have been actually writing you this letter, about what I should say. I thought about how I am in complete awe it has been 6 months, that in this same amount of time you will be my toddler, you will be 1, I will no longer have a baby in my life. I thought about how incredible it is to watch you figure things out, to see the joy in your eyes when you get that toy, usually your brothers, into your mouth.

I could talk about how much you have changed in such a short time. 2 teeth on the same day, your 6 month 'birthday'. You are sitting up, not just on your own but from a laying down position. You are crawling. You are wanting to figure out how to pull yourself up but I am hoping beyond hope that this doesn't happen for a long time.

I should talk about what a crazy few weeks it has been, with your daddy's accident and lots of visitors and doctors appointments and finally starting to nap.

I would like to talk about how you brighten up my world, every single day. You fill up my heart every single moment. Your smile makes me smile, your laugh makes me laugh, you, just you, bring me so much joy. Our house is sparklier, pinker, more perfect.

But instead I will simply say this - our lives have never felt so complete, so full. I never knew what we were missing until you were here. We love you so very much, and I can't wait to see how much you will continue to change.

I love you moonpie, you are all of our world.

Love,
Mama

The Best Laid Plans

2011-10-04T09:09:00.000-04:00

Before we had the accident that rocked our weekend we had plans the following weekend to go to Pittsburgh for one of my good friend's wedding. This was someone who was in my wedding, who I lived with for several years, and who, due to distance and work and life, I fell out of touch with for too long. We reconnected in the last few months and I was beyond thrilled to be invited to celebrate this wonderful day with her, to meet her fantastic husband, and to see someone who was a very important part of my life for so long.

And then Lee had a bike meets road kind of accident, and I wasn't so sure we would be able to go. Then he was doing better and I knew I would be able to go, but he may have to stay home with his parents, who are in town. As the days got closer he decided he could go, despite the pain in his back, and the upcoming surgery on his wrist (which is happening as I sit here and type this).

As usual the best laid plans don't always come to fruition, and a night we had planned in a fabulous hotel in Pittsburgh was waylaid by a husband who is still on percocet and struggles to eat with stitches in his mouth. But even more so was the weather, which is normally a balmy 68 degrees this time of year but decided to dip down to 44 with a side of cold rain, meaning even walking around the city was out of the question.

We headed out of town on Saturday for the wedding, and my friend who was a stunning bride overlooked the fact that everything she had planned, from the wedding outside by a lake to lawn games had to be changed due to the weather. It didn't matter, we had a wonderful time, she was a lovely bride, and Lee enjoyed himself more than he has, I would dare say, in a week.

Sadly the number of photos I took were few, but we managed to get a few self-portraits before we ventured out into the weather that was more appropriate for December than October.

I have to say, despite his insistence otherwise, I am enjoying the beard Lee is sporting these days, both out of necessity (he is unable to shave due to the stitches) and out of camouflage (it hides said stitches very well).

Week 25

2011-10-02T20:07:00.000-04:00

We missed week 24. I don't know what happened. Well I do know, life and visitors and bicycle accidents. I have pictures of Lila but none with pink bear, so, there you go. The only person this will even bother is me, so that is okay!

But, we have big news for week 25. Huge. Gigantic. Sitting up on her own kind of news.

Ok mama, let's get this ball rolling, shall we?

But first, I must do push ups. I need to build up my upper body strength!

What's up Pink Bear? I think I would like to sit just like you!

Ooh, wait, what is that over there? Something I want! Forget the sitting!

Huh? You want me to practice more sitting? Sigh.

Geez, how long is she going to make us do this Pink Bear?

I'm doing it mama, is this good?

Ok okay, no hands!

Hey Pink Bear, guess what? This is kind of fun!

And...down. It is tiring Pink Bear. Tiring.

We'll keep working on it Mama, me and Pink Bear.

What mama? You are proud of me? Me too!

Me too mama, me too...

The Call

2011-09-28T12:35:00.000-04:00

You know those moments in life, when the phone rings and you look at the caller id and you think hmm, why is this person calling me, and you feel like you shouldn't answer it but you know you have to? I have only had his happen a handful of times, usually around the time when a grandparent is near the end and I just don't want to hear those words.

But this weekend it happened again, and this time it was different.

My dad and I took Lila for a walk on Saturday, and Lee went out for a bike ride. I was annoyed with him because he had overfilled the tires on our Bugaboo, and I was forced (and yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds) to take the double stroller with just one child. I didn't say goodbye. I didn't say I love you. I didn't say be careful.

I always say be careful.

After our walk I was in our room getting ready for the day when the phone rang. It was one of my dad's best friends, a longtime family friend, someone Lee usually cycles with but who was unable to go this weekend due to an injury.

"Hey And, just wanted to let you know that Lee got into an accident and his face is scraped up..."

Okay, so at this point I am thinking I need to go get him. No biggie. And then he continued.

"Don't worry, he is conscious, but the ambulance is on its way"

The ambulance. The ambulance. Conscious. Ambulance. Conscious. Everything became a blur.

His family is in town, for a visit and to be here for Lila's baptism on Sunday. I called to his mom, asking her to watch the kids. I called my parents, in tears, and they came over right away. My dad was in constant contact with our friend, and we knew more details. He wasn't just going to a hospital, he was going to the trauma hospital. The head trauma hospital.

We saw his ambulance, on the way there. It came flying past us, lights on, sirens screeching. All I could say through my tears is that Finn would have loved to have seen it, if he was with us.

The ER was crazy, they let me go back but wouldn't let me see him. The woman told me, as she watched my tears, that he would be okay. I waited, with my parents, 2.5 hours before they finally let me see him. He was in the trauma room, he was very out of it, he was on morphine, and he was a bloody mess.

He broke his nose. He broke his wrist. He broke a vertebrae in his back. He had multiple lacerations all over his face, and stitches all over, and in his mouth. His forehead was bruised, from his helmet, which cracked on impact. It would have been his head. His helmet saved his life.

It saved his life.

I told him how sorry I was, that I didn't say goodbye, or that I love him. He told me he didn't remember anything, and that he didn't think he would make Lila's Baptism the next day. I told him I agreed.

The next 24 hours included an overnight stay, lots of pain medicine, tears, and many, many messages from people asking how they could help, sending their love, prayers, good thoughts. I was overwhelmed with the amount of love we were shown. Doctor after doctor after nurse came in and thought he had been in a car accident, then when we said bike they thought motorcycle, and were shocked a bicycle accident could do this.

We don't know what happened. He was not alone, but he was riding behind his friend, so he saw nothing. Someone who was outside in her yard saw him flip over his handlebars, so we think a stick got caught in his wheel bringing his bike to a halt, but his body kept going. A doctor lived nearby. Another doctor was driving by and they both stopped and helped him out before the ambulance got there. And the fire engine. And the police. And my dad's friend, our friend, who went to make sure Lee would be okay, who knew to not share with us that Lee was lying in a pool of blood when he got there.

Now he heals. He will be okay. He has to have surgery on his wrist next week, and we have an appointment to check on his back tomorrow. It should heal without surgery or a brace. His nose will heal on his own. His stitches will dissolve. The memories, or lack of, will fade. He will get on a bike again, and he will do what he loves to do.

And never again will I forget to say goodbye. To say I love you. To say be careful.

Week 23

2011-09-19T21:45:00.000-04:00

We have lots of changes going on around here, including budding teeth and a girl who is on the move. She can move around our family room in 2.5 seconds, all backwards. But in the past few days she has discovered she could actually maybe, I don't know, move forwards? It's exciting stuff. For her at least.

Lee started his job today, which was naturally an appropriate day for me to lose a toenail, fall down our stairs and have Finn fall out of my car. The best part of falling down the stairs was as I lay at the bottom, crying, Finn came over and told me to be brave, and that he would make me better. I love that kid.

And...here we go again Pink Bear. And this time she dressed me like you!

What? My hand is nowhere near her eyes. Nowhere. I mean, that is what my older brother does, right?

I am going to make you laugh Pink Bear, oh yes I am!

I will swing back and tickle you!

Nom nom, can't.get.enough.of.your.ear.

Time out, time out! My big brother always makes me laugh!

Wait. Where did he go? And Pink Bear?

I see you big brother, I see you!

Mama, don't take a picture of this reunion, please. I missed Pink Bear.

No words Pink Bear, let me do all the talking!

Okay, okay, a quick hug and we will be all done this week!

Our Asheville Break

2011-09-15T20:02:00.000-04:00

We have been talking about heading out of town for a few days for a few months, and haven't gotten around to it, due to a combination of holy hell it has been hot and who wants to traipse around a town in the South when it is 100 degrees outside, and we just have been lazy.

So, with Lee starting a new job next week we decided this was it, since he gets a whopping 15 days vacation and the bulk of that will be spent going to the UK and Belgium over Christmas.

We headed out to Asheville early yesterday morning and discovered that it reminded us, sort of, of a European city but in a much hippier American way. Yeah, it made sense to us when we were talking about it but maybe not so much now.

We booked our hotel on Priceline, which is a first for us, and while we got a great price on a hotel it was one room and I have now vowed that we won't stay in a non-suite hotel again with two kids, and that thought was reinforced when Lila was chatting away at 5:30 and Finn joined in at 6:30. It was great. Thank God for a king sized bed where we could lay Lila between us and an ipad to entertain Finn.

We ate good food, interspersed with time outs and bribery, did some shopping, and spent the day today at Biltmore. Don't let these photos fool you, while we had a great morning we had an awful lunch thanks to a 3 year old who has suddenly, or rather slowly over time, decided he rules this roost. We are going to nip this in the bud (and if we don't please don't remind me of this post again).

5 Months

2011-09-08T20:42:00.000-04:00

Lila-bug,

I was trying to get you to sleep tonight and while it is usually a very easy process you were wound up from watching your brother play with his friends and you had no interest in eating or sleeping. After I finally got you to eat you had your head on my shoulder and I thought you were finally falling asleep when you grabbed my face and I looked down at you and you were looking up at me, all cheeks, smiling. This sums you up more than you know, because you are such a smiler these days. 2 months ago it took work to get you to smile; today it takes work to get you not to smile.

5 months. 1 month closer to 1. 1 month further away from our life before you were in it, before we could imagine how spectacularly amazing you would be, before when I thought I couldn't possibly love anyone as much as I love your brother. Oh how very wrong I was.

There is nothing you would rather be doing than watching your brother. He makes you smile, he makes you talk, he makes you laugh, he calms you down when you are upset. I am pretty certain that while he thinks of you as a toy you think of him as your very best friend, and I know you can't wait for the day when you can be standing next to him playing. I hope he is always as enamored with you as you are with him.

You spend 90% of your day on your tummy, scooting around the floor, the crib, the bed, wherever we lay you. You can spend 30 minutes turning yourself in circles in your crib, never falling asleep (napping my dear is so not something you like or are good at). You have 'toys' on the floor with you yet your favorite place to scoot to is the edge of our rug, where you promptly shove a handful of fringe into your mouth. No matter where we lay you down you work your way over there in 2.5 seconds and start chewing. We have tried food but you are indifferent, despite us thinking you were ready. We will try again soon, I won't lie and say I am not somewhat relieved, I am not ready for you to get big.

I really didn't care if you were a boy or a girl when I was pregnant but I can't imagine not having you in our life. Your infectious smile, your twinkling eyes, your always commented on red hair, your chubby cheeks, or moon face as daddy calls you. How we got a child as cute as you I will never know!

As you grow bigger every day so does my love for you, and I can't wait to see what you become. Just don't grow too quickly okay? I am not ready to blink away these moments with you yet.

Love,
Mama

Week 20

2011-09-01T21:02:00.000-04:00

So, 2 days ago it was Week 19. Today it is Week 20. While it would be super cool to live in some weird time/space continuum (er, something like that), the truth is that I just suck at being on time these days. With blog posts, to school, to playdates, to pretty much anything. It's awesome.

Holy crap, I am surrounded by Pink Bears. Only some are white. And some are bunnies. And one is purple. OMG.

Oh, haha, I see what you did here mama, you put all my animals around me to play a game of Find Pink Bear. Clever!

Ok, seriously? I can't find Pink Bear.

Things are looking bad mama, really bad.

Hold on, here she is, next to me!

Wait, what is this yellow haired creature next to me?

Ah, Pink Bear, I found you! Yay!

This gane is getting old. Too many animals. Not enough Pink Bear.

I can't take it anymore. I will hide my head until all these things are gone!

Look! My big brother Finn!

Week 19

2011-08-30T21:11:00.000-04:00

Look Pink Bear, look at my pretty dress! Look at it! Pink bear? Pink Bear?

Mama, where is Pink Bear? I want to show her my pretty pink dress!

Oh well, no Pink Bear, but look Mama! It's my big brother! I love him SOOOOO much, he always makes me smile!

There's Pink Bear! I stick my tongue at you Pink Bear!

Knuckle punch Pink Bear, knuckle punch!

And now a squeeeeze!!

Mama, talk to the hand! My big brother taught me that, it makes me laugh and laugh!

Um, hello? I am like a zebra trapped in a cage of vehicles here. Help! Me!

********************************************************************

Guess what happened this week? Go on, guess.

Food! Food happened.

Er, it attempted to happen. We're still working on it.

I love my pretty new bib and my big girl booster chair and I get to sit on the table. Even big brother Finn doesn't get to sit on the table!

Bring it daddy, I'm so ready...

Wait wait wait. What is this stuff? Avocado? Um, yuck.

Ooh, I bet if I spit it out no one will notice...

Hi mama! I ate some, I promise. What's next?

Nothing? Well, okay then. I will just eat my bib. Yum!

Okay, okay, you got me. Next time we try bananas!

It's Food Time

2011-08-28T20:58:00.000-04:00

We waited until Finn was a little over 5 months to start giving him food, and to be honest with you I wanted to wait until Lila was 6 months for multiple reasons. Mainly because Finn is such a picky eater I was hoping we could jump right in with baby led weaning (essentially table foods from day 1) and skip purees and hopefully create a wider palate for her. But, based on her eagle eye watching of every.single.thing we eat, we decided it was time.

I am still not sure it was the right time, but we jumped in, and like we did with Finn, started with avocado.

She wasn't sure at first, but she let us feed her, and we *think* she liked it. But since she can't talk yet, well, who really knows!

And, because I can't leave out my favorite boy, here is he patrolling our street this morning, making sure everything was safe...

First Day Of School

2011-08-22T14:02:00.000-04:00

In a moment of 'how the heck is this happening so fast' Finn has started his second year of preschool. Which also means that come January we have a lot of decisions to make in regards to next year, which will be his pre-K year. Pre.Kindergarten.

Hold that thought while I pick my jaw up off the floor in shock that this is around the corner and fondly reminisce on the days when snuddling was the first thing he did in the morning and he not only listened to our requests but followed them.

Hey, have I told you that we currently have a three-nager in the house? Because oh do we.

Anyway, back to the fact that my son is growing up so quickly that I know if I blink too quickly we will be at Target picking out his college dorm stuff. I can't let that happen. He can't grow up too quickly.

So, I will freeze these moments in my mind, picturing him walking confidently through the very doors that he cried his way through last year, when he first started; picturing him telling his teachers that he was Finn, and he was a big brother, and baby Lila likes to smile at him; picturing him giving me a quick kiss and running off to check out the fish in his class; picturing him saying 'I love you mommy! See you after school!'

I will freeze this three-nager of mine, and love him every second of every minute of every day.

18 Weeks

2011-08-17T20:30:00.000-04:00

Look mama, I found a new toy! And they are always with me, like they are attached to me or something!

Whee, my toes! I love my toes!

Haha pink bear, have you seen my toes yet?

Mama? I think pink bear may have jumped on my shoulder.

Back away from my toes pink bear...I see you eyeing them up.

Share? What do you mean share? I don't think my big brother shares?

Ok pink bear, I won't share but I will give you a big kiss!

Close your eyes pink bear, and pretend I am not biting your head. I repeat, I am not biting your head.

Be done with you pink bear, off you go!

What mama? I have to be nice? Okay, I will offer pink bear my toes as a peace offering.

Phew, pink bear doesn't want them! Yay!

These pictures are silly mama, how much longer do we have to do them?

Look, here is pink bear again, real quick, get a picture!

Cheese!

Scenes From The Beach

2011-08-11T21:27:00.000-04:00

4 Months

2011-08-08T18:42:00.000-04:00

My sweet Lilagirl,

Four months ago you were simply a question in our minds. Were you a boy or a girl? Would you have blonde hair or red hair? Would you be as good a baby as your brother, or would we not get as lucky the second time around? When, oh when, would you come?

Four months ago our family felt whole, but now, in retrospect, you were always missing from it. There was always a place for you to be, a part of our family that was always meant to be there, we just didn't realize it yet.

These past months have been so good, so easy, so fulfilling. For a short couple of weeks we worried you were colicky, we worried you were, in fact, fussier than your brother, but we were so wrong. Once we realized you were fussy at night simply because you were tired our lives changed. You sleep 12 hours at night, you go down with a smile on your face and your fingers wrapped around ours, and you wake up chatting away. You rarely cry, you always smile, and you have started to laugh. Your presence simply fills up not only our house with love, but also my entire heart and soul.

You have learned a few tricks these past few weeks, and your favorite is rolling. You started rolling from your back to your belly 3 weeks ago, and you haven't stopped since. You no longer spend any time on your back, and yet you get frustrated being on your belly. Being 4 months old can be such a conundrum, can't it? You are filled with possibilities and the desire to learn, yet when you do learn new things they frustrate you. You will figure out how to roll the other way, and once you do I think there will be no stopping you. You already put your bottom in the air and dig away at the ground with your feet, as if you know that someday you will be able to crawl doing this but you, obviously, aren't there yet. But you will be. Oh sweet girl you will be, and then I will mourn the time when you did nothing more than lie on your back and smile at the world around you.

There is no one who can make you smile more than your big brother, and he revels in this fact. Whenever you are upset he stops what he is doing and runs over to you and sings to you, or tells you that he is there, that 'your big brother' is here. You watch him as he walks around the room, your eyes never leaving him. I can't wait for the day when you can properly play together, and while we know that will surely cause some consternation on his part he loves you so much that I really think he will be excited to be your teacher, your playmate, your friend.

The talking has started, and doesn't show any sign of stopping. You talk much of the time. To the monkey on your bouncy chair, to the person at the check out, to your brother. And while it isn't specific sounds so much as squeaking, I foresee another talkative child on our hands. Your poor daddy.

I love you so much my little munchkiemoogirl. My love for you, the depth, the magnitude, it can never be completely explained in words. Just know how much we all love you, and how grateful we are every single day that you answered those questions four short months ago.

Love,
Mama

16 Weeks

2011-08-03T20:37:00.000-04:00

Morning Mama, I had a good nights sleep! What? My hair is crazy?

Stop looking at me like that! I like my hair!

Um, there is a growth under my arm Mama. Huh? Pink Bear again?

Look Pink Bear, there is a monkey above our heads!

Pshaw, well, if you are like that I will roll away from you!

And roll...

And then I will eat your nose!

15 Weeks

2011-07-24T21:42:00.000-04:00

Here we go again Pink Bear. I think if I just smile off the bat we can get this show on the road, right?

What? Wait, what mama? I have to do these every week for how many weeks? Sigh.

Well, if that's the case I will do what I do best, and pick up this pink bear here and shove it directly in my mouth.

Hahaha, just kidding mama, I can't fit Pink Bear in my mouth!

Or can I?

You caught me! I ate her. Or did I?

A Weekend With Cousins

2011-07-17T21:28:00.000-04:00

When you live far away from family it makes the time you spend with them that much more special. We are lucky that Finn gets to see his two favorite people in the world, Landon and Wes, as often as he does, but it is never enough. In my ideal world we would all live in the same city, and there would be sleepovers and playdates and dinners together. But, in our world, we have to plan a visit and get on a plane and deal with cranky passengers who try to discipline my (very well behaved I may add) child.

But...when I take pictures like these, of the fun, the excitement, the love, it makes it all worth it.

The Boy Who Cried Screw

2011-07-11T20:00:00.000-04:00

We have been dealing with a very 3 3 year old. Like, I am counting down the days til 4, or at least I was until 2 people recently told me that 4 is just as bad. Yay. I am also scouring parent books, in the hopes that I will uncover some magical advice. So far, no dice.

But the one thing we haven't had to deal with yet is lying. I think Finn doesn't understand what that means, thank God, and therefore is still in the stage where when we say something like "Finn, did you hit Tyler first or did he hit you?" he is very quick to say "I hit him!".

So when he was up having his relax yesterday and he started moaning and Lee went in to see him we had no reason to believe the following conversation:

Lee: Why are you moaning?

Finn: My mouth hurts! I swallowed it!

Lee: You swallowed what?

Finn: mumble mumble screw mumble mumble

Me: (yelling from downstairs) WHAT? WHAT? HE SWALLOWED WHAT? A SCREW? OHMYGODHESWALLOWEDASCREW?

Lee: Oh God. You know how it has to come out right?

Finn: (insert crying) GET IT OUT GET IT OUT OF ME GET IT OUT

After a call to the doctors after hours advice line we decided to let it pass, literally. But then when we measured an identical screw, and felt how sharp the point was, I sort of freaked. And we packed up the kids and headed off to the ER.

We got brought back and the Dr looked in his mouth and noted that he could see where the screw irritated the top of his mouth. I was holding him on my lap, and they did the metal detector across his stomach and sure enough we heard the faint beeping of the metal.

Off we went to x-rays, and then back to wait. And then the Dr returned.

Dr: Well, the weird thing is, we can't see anything. There is no screw in there.

Me and Lee: (insert mouths hanging open)

Dr: This is a good thing! Let me do the metal detector again, let him stand up and let's do it.

Metal detector scans, and, wait for it, no beeps.

Huh.

Dr: Hm, well I think the metal detector must have been picking up your ring or your button (to me). So, this is good news! He probably put it in his mouth, it gagged him based on the top of his mouth, and he spit it out but thought he swallowed it.

Me and Lee: (insert mouths hanging open)

Here's the thing. This is good news. I wouldn't want him to swallow a screw, and I do genuinely believe he thought he did. But it would have been awesome if we didn't have to spend the afternoon in the ER.

Oh, and the kicker? The whole reason there was a screw under his bed to begin with? He learned to open his windows, which have no screen and a very large drop to the ground. So we put locks in his windows and one of the screws must have falled out of the bag and on the floor. We were trying to protect him and for reasons only he knows, and isn't sharing, he found it and put it in his mouth. We have scoured for more and fortunately his room is screw free.

So it is ironic that the day before I took these pictures of him playing Dr with Lila. His clothes were wet from watering out flowers, hence the no shirt/shorts look. Who would have known he would have these very things done the next day?

3 Months

2011-07-06T21:08:00.000-04:00

My dear Lilabean,

Yesterday your daddy and I were sitting around and decided we were dumbfounded at how you could possibly be 3 months. Wasn't it just yesterday that you were giving me horrible heartburn and keeping me awake at night with all your kicks? Wasn't it just yesterday that we drove to the hospital, contractions coming faster than ever, wondering out loud if you would be a boy or a girl?

And yet, you are here, you are so very here. You are sweet and lovely and fussy and quiet and loud all at the same time. Fortunately for us the fussy and loud come much less often than the sweet and quiet, which makes you just a joy to be around. We are just at the stage where your face lights up when you see us, you recognize who we are and you have a smile that goes from ear to ear. I don't think I could ever look at you and not instantly be thrust into a happy place.

Grammy has said to us that we seem to never be satisfied; we always worried about how little your brother ate and now we have you, and you never seem to be done eating. You love to eat whatever we put near you, whether it is your hand or your burp cloth or spotty bear, it doesn't matter to you. It is so sweet to feed you, you grab a hold of my finger and hold on tight.

Don't worry Lila, I will never be the first to let go, you can hold my finger forever.

Your sleep is amazing at night, and while I don't want to jinx us I have to say way to go, because we couldn't be happier with 11 to 12 hours a night. Although, maybe, just maybe, we could work on naps? I have a feeling you are following Finn's footsteps with the whole nap thing, which is not good for anyone involved!

This is a big month, we have an appointment with a neurosurgeon in a couple of weeks about the bump on your head. I forget sometimes it is there, all I see when I look at you is how freaking cute you are, but then I am reminded when people callously ask what it is. I hope you realize someday that this is why daddy and I want to get it taken care of, so you don't have a life of people making you feel self conscious about this very thing you were born with. But I also hope you know that we love you, every single bit of you, and you will always be perfect in our eyes.

Everyone always said how hard it is going from 1 to 2, and that the second child makes things more complicated. I will say that I don't agree, that you are a go with the flow child and I haven't found it as hard as I thought it would be, which just says to me that you are simply the missing piece of our family puzzle, and now that you are here we are complete.

You light up the most when you see Finn and Papi and daddy, which I know thrills them all to no end. Finn sings to you when you are upset, and he calms you down. He is so proud of you, and watching the two of you together makes my heart grow to levels I never knew possible. There was a never a doubt we would all be smitten with you, but I can never get enough of seeing how very smitten they are with you. How very smitten we all are.

I love you my sweet girl, to the moon and back.

Love,
Mama

It's Swimming Time

2011-06-30T21:21:00.001-04:00

I have this fear of water. I may have mentioned it here before, but really it isn't a fear of water at all, as I swam competitively for years, but a fear of Finn around water, since he doesn't know how to swim. So we decided to sign him up for some one on one lessons, with a teacher who is known to be good. Strict, hard, but good.

The first 20 minute lesson was 20 minutes of crying. The second was 18 minutes of crying. Today, the third, was 17.5 minutes of crying, and some vomiting in the pool.

We are getting better, right?

Week 12

2011-06-29T21:28:00.000-04:00

Alright pinkie, here we go. Week 12. Only 40 more weeks of this.

Look mama, a smile! Are we done?

I see an escape route right over there. If only I could crawl. Or roll. I could totally roll with it.

Pinkie, another has joined our party. I shall call him Horsey. Daddy thinks he is a giraffe, but he so isn't.

Haha, peek a boo, where am I mama?

If I hold my breath maybe it will all be over sooner...

Okay, okay, another smile for you!

And now pinkie I shall eat your feet! I am starving I tell you, these people never feed me around here!

*****************************************************************************
And, just because I can...

Week 11

2011-06-26T20:48:00.000-04:00

Week 12 may be 2 days away but I would be remiss if I didn't at least post some pictures from week 11. We have such a smiler these days, but as soon as the camera comes out she freezes. She is camera shy at an exceptionally early age I guess!

And the love Finn has for her, well, it is so sweet. Yet, I must say no less than 10 times a day 'Finn, get off your sister. Finn, get OFF your sister', since his hugs seem to be more a full body attack than anything.

Sigh.

Mama, what is this monkey swinging in front of me? I think I kind of love it.

Oh no, here we go with the pictures with the blonde kid again...

Good big brother, keep the hands above the head and we will all be happy

Keep it up, hands up means less full body hugs for me

Um, mama? He is getting closer. And he has my hand!

Oh crap. I am not sure what is going on so I will just look at you and let the tall one smile

Whee! Me and pink bear, alone at last!

Pink bear, you make me laugh!

Later pink bear, til we meet again, or, see you Tuesday!

On Fathers

2011-06-21T22:07:00.000-04:00

We are back from what can only, understandably, be described as a very difficult few days. I am so thankful that we were able to see my grandmother and see she is at peace, but saying goodbye is never easy to do.

It was definitely a weekend of sadness and tears, but it was also filled with laughter and joy and memories, and when you add in 3 young boys, and a sweet red-headed girl, it was hard not to enjoy being around family.

So, while Father's Day was not what it should have been, I still looked around me, at the father who raised me and the husband who adores our children, and felt lucky. Lucky to have a dad who always supports me, no matter what I do, to have a husband who loves me for who I am, even when I am at my worst, lucky to have so much love in my life.

I know my grandma would agree.

I Hope You Dance

2011-06-17T15:09:00.000-04:00

95 years ago she was born, the youngest child of many, on a farm.

She grew up with red hair she wore in braids, which certainly proves that Lila didn't solely get her red hair from Lee.

She met my grandfather as a young woman, working in an office, and they fell in love. They lived the traditional story of marriage and children, soon having my dad.

Five years later she was told her son, my dad, would not live, after he was diagnosed with cancer. They took him on a train trip across the US, wanting to show him the world, and when they returned he beat the odds, and she escaped a tragic loss.

And then she lost a daughter at birth, which was the worst nightmare a mother could ever have.

My uncle was born several years later, filling her heart again with the sound of baby laughter, tears, and of course joy.

My grandfather found an ad in a paper for a motel for sale on Route 66 in Kingman, Arizona. They picked up their lives from Kansas City, took a train, and bought the motel, in a city they had never been to before, a motel they had never set foot in. This is a story she would tell me as I began my journey of picking up my life and moving to London. She reminded me that doing things for love are worth it in the end, even if it seems like the scariest thing at the world at the time.

She lived a full life, full of love and friends and sadness and loss. She cared for my grandfather as he lost his battle to lung cancer. Instead of letting it beat her down, or define her, she picked herself up and kept living.

She traveled with her friends, she spent time with her grandkids, she met 3 of her 4 great grandkids. She danced at our weddings, she laughed from deep within her belly.

She loved life. She loved living. She loved her family, and her friends. She loved God. She loved her car, Sexy Lexy. She was filled with love, with kindness, with gumption. She made everyone around here a little bit happier with her presence, her smile, her sparkling blue eyes.

The past few years have been difficult. There have been many calls where we believed she wouldn't make it through the week, but she fought on. She was not ready to leave this world, even though this world was not providing any kind of life for her anymore.

We celebrated her 95th birthday last Fall. We knew it may be the last time we were all together, and it was.

My aunt and uncle have been amazing, spending their time with her, making sure she was comfortable, happy, surrounded by love.

She passed away early yesterday morning, peacefully, on her own terms. My parents were able to see her before she left us, and she knew they were there.

My uncle was by her side, where he has so selflessly been for years. We can never express enough gratitude to either him or his wife, for all they have done.

I am sad that she never was able to meet Lila, her red haired great-granddaughter. Her only great-granddaughter. But I know she loved her, even without meeting her.

After our wedding my mom's mom said to her that she wished she had danced at our wedding, that Mickey danced at our wedding, and had such a good time.

Earlier this week my mom was driving and heard the song I Hope You Dance, and said the song reminded her of that conversation. And that she was right, that my grandma always - always - lived her life to the fullest, and she always remembered to dance.

We are heading out to Arizona tomorrow, not to mourn her death (although we will certainly do that as well) but rather to celebrate her life, which is exactly what she would have wanted.

Two Months

2011-06-13T21:48:00.000-04:00

LilaBug,

I don't know how it is that you are already two months, that you have been a part of our lives this long (or this short maybe?), and how much you have changed in this time. I want to write it all out, to memorialize every single detail, how you are now smiling at us all the time, how you talk to me when I sing to you, or how you can not stop kicking your legs and smiling when daddy and papi are around. You are already a daddy/papi's girl, and it is exactly how I want it to be.

You are long, so long, off the charts in length, and 75% in weight. How did this happen? How different you are from your brother, in so many ways.

But rather than write it all down, a week late as it is, I will just say that you make my heart swell when I look at you. I love holding you close when you are snuggly, wearing you in the ring sling and having your heart beat next to mine. Your hair continues to make me smile, and while everyone seems determined to get your hair down I revel in the knowledge that you got that hair from me, and no amount of smoothing down can tame it. I hope the same goes for your personality as you grow older, that you never let anyone, or anything, bring you down.

Always know, no matter how late I am in documenting your life, that you are on mind every second, every minute, every hour of every day.

Love,
Mama

My first doll? What should I do with it mama?

Ah, I love laying outside!

The wind! The wind!

Wait, I like the wind!

Week 8

2011-05-31T19:22:00.000-04:00

8 weeks...or Holy Moly I got it done on the right day, on a day where I managed to get out for a walk this morning with both kids before 8:30, get the laundry put away that has been sitting in baskets for 5 days, and even brave the grocery store with both of them (thank you very much ring sling, you are my savior). I owe all this to Miss Lila herself, who, and I am surely jinxing us now, sleeps until 5 or later every day. Today it was 5:45 followed by a 7:30 wake up by both the little miss herself and her brother. A morning to be relished, and likely soon forgotten never to be relived again.

And now, for her 8 week pink bear pictures I present to you the quest for the smile. The girl refuses to smile for the camera, no matter how many crazy songs I sing or how many faces I make. She is stubborn to her core, which is just further proof that she is no doubt my daughter.

Um, mom? For real? Picture time again and that boy is next to me?

And here he goes again...

Maybe if I just close my eyes and look away this will not be happening

Alone at last

Wait. Is that the pink bear again? Really? How many weeks of this do I have left?

Mommy, just because you put it on my head doesn't mean it isn't there!

I am so young and yet so annoyed already by the camera

Okay, just tell me what I need to do so we can end these shenanigans

Smile? I don't smile for that thing. Is this enough of a smile?

No? How about this? I will even stick out my tongue!

Come on! Let's end this or I will punch you! I learned that from that boy who is always next to me!

Fine. I will sort of smile when you put the camera down low and make crazy faces at me. How many more songs do you have in you mommy? You must have sung 30 by now!

Yawn. I am bored now.

What? A snarl doesn't count as a smile?

Well then, I may as well cry!

I cave. Here is your smile. This may be only a 3/4 smile but it is the best you will get this week!

Week 7

2011-05-28T15:15:00.000-04:00

Um, mommy? This boy here is doing something weird to my eye. Can we just get on with the Pink Bear pictures?

If I act uninterested maybe she will finish faster...or maybe I should poke Pink Bear's eye like that boy does to me?

Seriously? Seriously mommy? On my shoulder?

La di da...I will pretend this is not going on...

Next week mommy, next week I will smile. I promise.

A mini-mini-break

2011-05-23T20:58:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it's important to remember that while we spend 99% of our time as mommy and daddy, we are still Andrea and Lee.

We were lucky enough to have my parents watch Finn and Lila Saturday night so we could go to a wedding. I was able to get ready at the hotel, listening to Pandora instead of Dora, and didn't have to wake up for the normal 3:45 and 5:45 feedings.

Since I never, ever dress up it was nice to be an adult again, with a fancy dress and high heels and sparkly jewelry. Even despite the fact that I woke up way too early it was a nice respite from being a mom.

And it was just as nice to come back home to it.

5 and 6 Weeks

2011-05-19T20:14:00.000-04:00

The pressure to document Lila to the same degree as Finn is getting to me. Seriously, I feel guilty that I don't have the same time to blog as I did with him, but then again if she ever complains I will nicely remind her that she is the reason I don't have the same amount of time.

Actually, who am I kidding, it is totally her brother that sucks up all my time. But I won't mention that.

The very same brother who told us yesterday, while playing with his trains and a bridge, that he can't wait till he grows up and has 3 hands so 2 hands can hold up the bridge and the 3rd can push the train.

Seriously? First, I have no idea who taught him 'when I grow up', but I really don't know what kind of adults he is hanging out with that he thinks when he grows up he gets a third hand. But it made us laugh, which he never fails to do these days.

And the red headed girl, the gorgeous one as Finn calls her, well, let's just say some days she is our sweet girl and some days she is our grumpalo. Or grumparella. Or grumpalicious. All of those names are perfect for her on her grumpy days. I much prefer her sweet days when she breaks out her smile and her 3 hour naps.

In honor of her 5th week of life, Lila celebrated with her big brother, pink bear, and the cutest pink and white polka dot dress. I can not get enough of her clothes. People weren't messing around when they said girls clothes were cuter than boys!

******************************************************************

And, almost catching up, week 6...

2011-05-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

Memory is an amazing thing, isn't it? I have a good memory; I remember what I was wearing when I met Lee, I remember the order of every visit we had before I moved to London. I remember events that happened when I was 7, 8, 9 years old. But I don't remember every detail of Lila's birth, which happened 5 weeks ago.

I knew when I found out I was pregnant - before, honestly - that I wanted to go natural. I knew I wanted to have a waterbirth, that I wanted a doula to support me, that I wanted to go to the one midwifery practice here in Atlanta that really was the best fit for my desires. I also knew I was a wimp, and that I was in a lot of pain when I had Finn.

But I stood my ground, and when people found out what I wanted to do I had a mixed bag of reactions, from an 'Oh', which really translated to 'Seriously? Are you crazy? Take the epidural and enjoy!' to 'Oh! Awesome!' which mainly came from the moms and teachers at Finn's hippy school, and they probably thought I was too mainstream because I wasn't doing it at home.

Like my pregnancy before I had a good nine months. I had no complications, I felt good, I gained just the right amount of weight that I had lost it all when I left the hospital, and I really enjoyed every minute of it.

Well, up to 40 weeks. Like her brother before her, I went 15 days late again. I swore it wouldn't happen, but, sadly it did. I won't lie, it sucked. I had a breakdown in the midwife's office 5 days past my due date. I was pissed at 9 days overdue when I had made no progress. Two rounds of acupuncture and nothing. So, with a heavy heart, I agreed to an induction date of exactly 42 weeks, defeated with the knowledge that my body just didn't know how to go into labor on its own, and I likely wouldn't get my waterbirth with an induction.

And then? I woke up the morning of my induction in labor. I woke up Lee, who didn't believe it, and then spent my day getting ready, with my contractions so random that I didn't actually think they meant anything. When we got to the hospital that night at 8 and finally got into a room and got checked they told me they couldn't actually induce me because I was in labor already.

This is where it all sort of goes all over the place. We have talked about it, I have heard Lee's version, I have my own, but yesterday we received my birth story from my doula. And while I don't think anyone wants all the gory details (hi dad!) it was so interesting to read the timeline of the night, mainly because I kept asking what time it was all night and no one would tell me. At all.

What I do know is I was loud. I cried, a lot. I got sick, and I spent a lot of time in the shower, followed by several hours in the birth pool. I begged for an epidural, and, according to the birth story, a c-section. I believe it, like I said, I am a total wimp. I know Lee said I looked at him at one point and growled 'Get me an epidural!', but they talked me down. Despite my best intentions of going completely med free I did get some fentenol, which, if you ask me, made me sleepy. If you ask Lee it just made me less loud and less, um, abrasive with my language. He is probably right.

But I knew, in my heart, what I really wanted. I wanted to follow through with my wishes, to prove to myself that I could do this. So I let it wear off, and I got back in the water. The best part of the whole story is this line:

"Andrea made a lot of noise and had a lot to say about the, um, enormous discomfort she was in!"

I think she was just being nice, because truthfully? I was a brat. I know everyone on that floor heard me. But I didn't care. And when Lila was born, in the water, a few minutes later, everything was all right in my world. 10 hours from when we got to the hospital, 25 hours after my first contractions, and 42 weeks of pregnancy. She was worth the wait.

In the end it would have been okay if she hadn't been born in the water, or if I had caved and been given an epidural. Because at the end of the day all that mattered was having a healthy baby, and how that happened is just icing on the cake.

If there was ever a minute when we thought a doula wasn't worth it she proved us wrong that night. She encouraged Lee to rest, she encouraged me to move around, to do whatever I had to do to get through every contraction. She reminded me every minute for hours of what an amazing thing birth is, what an amazing thing our bodies can do, and how strong I was for getting through it. She may have wanted to strangle me, but she never showed it. I will forever be grateful for her support and her encouragement - and her humorous recap of a night I never want to forget but struggle to remember moment by moment.

And if I was to name a downside to the waterbirth? That would be the inability to share the photos taken immediately after the birth. Alas, we have them, but trust me, you don't want to see them. Besides Lila is much cuter to look at anyway!

The view from our room...

One Month (and then some)

2011-05-09T15:42:00.000-04:00

My Lila Belle -

I am already living up to the stereotype of what happens to the second child. I look back on your brother's letters, and they were always exactly to the day of whatever milestone I was trying to record. Yours, my little love bug, is almost a week late. But that doesn't mean that we love you any less, just that life is a little more hectic this time around.

Last week was a challenging one, although, to be honest, they are all a little challenging these days. Your daddy and I don't quite have down the hang of having two kids, and with help for almost 4 weeks straight we were suddenly thrown into life with just us and you two. And thrown in we were.

Unfortunately we took you for your one month appointment, leaving Finn at home for his last morning with Nonna and G-dad and Aga before they headed back to England. We know you are perfect - and you are, you very much are - but due to a cyst you were born with on your head we now have to take you to a surgeon, and then probably another one, and talk about getting it removed. This makes me sad for so many reasons, but the main one being because I can't imagine watching you being wheeled off to surgery, put completely under, and we can't be there with you. I am sad you will likely have a scar on your forehead, and am hoping that your skin will recover fully because you are so young, and because it just isn't fair for a baby to have to go through this. Surprisingly I didn't cry when we talked about it with Dr L, and, as you will learn, I cry pretty much over everything. You took it all in stride, sleeping through most of the appointment and then peeing all over the table. That's my girl!

We got home and said our goodbyes after 15 days with your grandparents, and then your brother got sick and threw up all over the kitchen, all over your daddy, all over himself, and we promptly loaded you both up and headed off to the ER. You were both troopers, and reminded me again of how lucky we are. Everyone is healthy now, and let's try to keep it that way, okay?

You are growing so fast, you have gained almost 2 pounds and you have grown an inch and a half. You are the opposite of Finn, and want to eat all the time. All.The.Time. I almost don't know what to do because I am not used to it, and have to remind myself that this is a good thing!

You sleep so well, you take lots of naps during the day and you get up, usually, twice at night. You sleep with both arms over your head, and God help the parent who tries to swaddle you, that is just not your thing, and last night you figured out how to rotate your body 90 degrees in your crib, which, to be honest, is probably not a good thing. But, even in the middle of the night, I can't help but look down on you precious face as you eat and feel my heart swell with the amount of love I have for you.

Let's talk about your hair. Oh your hair. It is a magnet, and everywhere we go people are drawn to it. It is not just the color - and let's be honest, the color of your hair is amazing, but it is the length as well. You have so much hair, it sticks up on top, it sticks out in the back, you even have what could possibly be considered a rat tail in the back, and it probably could be cut but I can't bring myself to do that. I don't want your hair to define you, but right now it is pretty damn cute.

You are fussy, but what baby isn't? You are desperate to hold your head up high, to roll over, to do things that I thing are way beyond your almost 5 weeks, but it doesn't surprise me, your brother was the same way.

We are still figuring out our groove, and I know we will get there. Just know, from day one, there is no one who loves you as much as your mama and daddy, except maybe your big brother.

We love you honeybee!

Love,
Mama

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T20:33:00.000-04:00

I am not sure who came up with Mother's Day, or why, but I won't complain. And while I celebrate the love I have for all the moms in my life every day, today they deserve special praise for the things they have brought to my life.

My grandmother, who is 95 and has taught me that it is okay to be tough, it is okay to be independent, it is okay to stand up for myself. She has lived an amazing life, including leaving everyone and everything she knew and moving from Kansas City to Kingman, Arizona, to run a motel with my grandfather, a motel she had never seen before. She taught me that while it is difficult to move for love, there is no better reason to do it, and in my tear-filled days leading up to my move to London she assured me I was doing the right thing. She was, as usual, correct.

My sister in law Cris, who is always there for me, who helps talk me down when I think I'm just not very good at this whole mom thing, who has incredible strength as both a person and a mom, who has become the sister I never had but always wanted. Her boys are the kinds of kids that I want my son and daughter to be.

My mother in law Linda, who not only brought Lee into this world but raised him to be the man he is today. The love she has for our children is overflowing, and Finn loves when she is around - and when Lila is more aware of her world I am sure she will too!

My mom. I don't even know if I can adequately put into words the love I have for her, the admiration I have for her, the strength she carries, the joy she brings to our world. She has always been a role model, and is the mom I strive to be. I can only hope that the way she raised me will lead me to be that mom, and I am so thrilled that we live so close by that we can spend the amount of time with her that we do.

My friends. Both the ones with kids and the ones without. My mom friends allow me to have conversations about poop and sleep and schools and how while we miss what life was like before kids we aren't ashamed to admit we love life with them. And my friends without kids remind me that even being a mom I am still me, I am not just a mom, and I appreciate that more than I probably say.

And, finally, it wouldn't be my mothers day if it wasn't for Finn and Lila. They have completed my heart in a way I never knew was possible, they have turned me into a person I didn't know I could be, they have brought so much sunshine and laughter into my life that I wonder every single day how I got so lucky. They push me to my limits, and then bring me back. They remind me every second of every day what the meaning of unconditional love is. I am so, so blessed.

And besides, without them how could we do such a fantastic photo shoot like this?

Braves and Smiles

2011-05-02T21:42:00.000-04:00

We took Finn to his first Braves game this past weekend, with our good friends Rachel and Eric. I have known Rachel her whole life, which is about 18 months shorter than mine, and she (and her dad!) are the Godparents to Finn, and I am the Godmother to her daughter. Follow all that? Good.

We bought the cheapest tickets possible, hunkered down in the shade, and bet we would last 4, maybe 5 innings. We were totally surprised and lasted in the seats until almost the 7th, although we were stuffing Finn with food he wouldn't normally have, like ice cream and cotton candy. Then we headed up to the kids area where they could 'run' the bases, and let them run to their hearts content. If I had a quarter of the energy they do I would drop 30 pounds in a month.

And tonight? We got smiles from Miss Fussypants herself, Lila. I would normally say they were gas induced, but these were clearly occurring while looking at her playmat, so I will go with actual smiles. 4 weeks tomorrow, I can hardly believe it!

Three Royal Weeks

2011-04-30T11:26:00.000-04:00

So I am a little late with Lila's 3 week picture with Pink Bear, which is a combination of a busy week and a baby who is, well, a little fussier than our first. I am hesitant to throw around the C word - which is colic for those of you who think I mean something else - but some nights I wonder. It is tiring. But I know that there has to be a light at the end of all of this, that it won't last forever, so I just remind myself of that when she is crying at night and we feel like we can't get her calmed down.

But on the other hand she woke up yesterday at 5 to 6, allowing me to turn on the tv just in time to see the wedding. You know the wedding, everyone knows the wedding. It was right when she was getting out of the car, and I can't lie and say I didn't shed a tear when I saw her walking down the aisle. The whole thing was lovely.

And in celebration I got out the comb that held my veil in place, which is as close to a tiara that I have. I tried to put it in Lila's hair, but despite her copious amounts of hair it was too thin to hold it in place. So I wrangled in Finn and made him put it in his hair, which he allowed for .2 seconds. Then we tried to get a picture of the two of us, but clearly I look best not in focus. Then pink bear wore the tiara. It was a royal morning all around.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T14:32:00.000-04:00

The Easter bunny has stopped by, the Easter eggs were dyed; we have more chocolate than any 3 year old should have (and most of it will be 'put away' today, and not in his belly); we have new stuffed animals for both Finn and Lila; and it is 85 degrees out today. The pool will be making an appearance after Finn's relax, and Lila (after several Easter outfit changes over the past two days) and Finn are both wearing their Easter best

Happy Easter to everyone, I hope your afternoon is also filled with chocolate mini eggs and Easter egg hunts and love.

Two Weeks

2011-04-19T15:46:00.000-04:00

It has been two weeks since our life was altered with the addition of number 2, or munchkie moo as Finn wants to call her. Or what he wanted to call her once before she went back to just Baby Lila. She has been out shopping, out to eat, to the Aquarium, an Easter egg hunt, met her cousins and her Aunt, is meeting her other grandparents and Aunt tomorrow, and has decided, as of today, that sleeping is no longer the cool thing to do. This is after a 6 hour stretch of sleep last night that was fantastic, followed up quickly with waking up 4 times in the next 4 hours, or, if your math is as bad as mine, once an hour for the rest of the night. It was awesome.

Back when Finn was a mere newborn himself, we started taking weekly pictures of him with Blue Bear. Good old Blue Bear, we bring him out every now and then but he was shunned once White Baa entered the picture.

But now, just for Lila? We have Pink Bear! Yay Pink Bear! So, let's start with two week photos of Lila and Pink Bear, followed by a few favorites from this past weekend, and some of Lila's first flowers, delivered to our door and sent to her from her Papi, who, I dare say, is enamored with his first granddaughter.

First, a retro Finn and Blue Bear, and a Lila and Blue Bear. Just for fun.

Next up? Lila's first date. Lila, meet Kellen, 13 days your senior. He also has an older brother named Finn (and another named Riley!) and will totally show her the ropes, I just know it.

Next are the flowers from Papi, followed by Easter Egg hunts, crazy hair, meeting the cousins, and Aunt Cris. Overall a really wonderful 5 days.

Who knows what week 3 will bring?

One Week

2011-04-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

While Lila may be almost 2 weeks old we had pictures taken at one week with a great photographer. Lila was supposed to be asleep, but naturally this was one of her awake periods, so we had to get her to sleep and position her. She finally caved into the deep sleep that she spends most of her time in, and we got some great pictures. Finn came home from school towards the end and she got some cute pictures of him too. I can't wait to see the rest!

And Now There Is Four

2011-04-10T21:38:00.000-04:00

So we are a family of four. Four. Even with 42 weeks to prepare, can you really ever prepare? We are blessed with a daughter who, at the ripe old age of 5 days, is a joy. She sleeps, she eats, she poops. And a lot of all three. She sleeps through the shrieks of her brother, through the sneezes and coughs of her allergy filled dad, through the meowing of the cat. She wants to eat all the time, which is a complete change from her brother, who never wanted to eat. She is snuggly and cuddly and has given me the opportunity to peruse the other side of the store. You moms of boys know the one, the one with the bows and ruffles and pink. The side that will be the death of our bank account.

And Finn. Oh Finn. He is doing so well. Of course he has had his moments - then again so have I, so who can blame him? The first thing he says in the morning when he wakes up is that he wants to see baby Lila. When she cries he tells her 'It's okay pretty girl! Baby Lila Baby Lila I love you Baby Lila!'. It is enough to melt even the coldest of hearts. He hugs her and loves on her and we have to remind him to be gentle, and while he may ask soon when we are giving the baby back so far he has handled it so much better than we had thought.

We have had tremendous amounts of help from my parents, without whom I am sure I would have lost it already. They have cooked and cleaned and entertained Finn for hours, and allowed me to just be, to recover from the delivery, to remind me that I am less than a week post partum, and it is okay to not be up doing everything, which is hard when you have a three year old on top of a newborn.

For now we are relishing being a family of four. While I know the road ahead won't always be smooth, I know it will be filled with love and the cutest boy and girl I could ever wish for.

Lila Catherine

2011-04-05T12:58:00.000-04:00

Our newest family member made her grand entrance a mere 15 days late this morning after a 10 hour labor. I was scheduled for an induction last night at 8 pm and went into labor on my own right before then. I could not have done it without our doula, or the support of Lee. I don't know if I have ever experienced pain like that before, but I pushed through (despite begging for an epidural at one point) and had my waterbirth. I feel badly for everyone who heard me scream for about 7 hours straight.

But she is totally worth it. 8lbs 2oz, 20.5 inches long, red hair like her dad and a face like her brothers.

The whole thing is amazing isn't it?

Will put up more pictures soon!